Jack of Hearts
by liondancer17
Summary: In which Captain Jack Harkness thinks about the man he loved, the man he lost, and who he has become. Onesided Jack/Nine, Rose/Nine, Rose/Ten


A/N

First, I want you to all know that yes, sometimes, I use my characters to express my ideas. However, that is not always the case.

Like this time.

I just want to write a little something I consider a headcanon. I hope you like.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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(Jack Harkness's POV)

It was the smile, really, that killed him.

When H_e_ smiled, Jack simply melted inside. The smile that _He_ gave was one straight from his very soul. That smile was brighter than the Dog Star, and more true than Polaris.

That smile was one born of true joy, of things that Jack himself simply did not understand.

That smile...

That smile was gone.

When the new one smiled, it was a cautious one. A mask. A way of trying to gain trust. Jack knew. He was a conman himself, after all.

The new smile wasn't the same. It wasn't H_is _smile.

The Doctor's smile.

Jack, at first, felt guilty about feeling this way. After all, they _were _the same person, just with a different face.

Not anymore.

The Doctor, the one in the pin-stripe suit, had said himself that it was like a _new person _was swaggering around in his body, that it wasn't _him. _That, of course, was before he changed. Again.

He said he didn't want to go.

Jack never wanted him there in the first place.

It wasn't that Jack hated him. No, not at all. He liked the Doctor, in any incarnation. He liked his _soul, _that ageless thing that sank into the very fabric of the universe himself. But his personality changed. His face changed. His _eyes _changed, and that...was something that Jack simply couldn't handle.

When those piercing eyes used to look upon him, Jack would feel his core, his very _essence of self, _tremble. He could see _everything _in those eyes. The universe. God. Life. Death. And _He _didn't know it. All that _He _saw was just a man. Because that's all _He _felt he was. A man, a man who wanted to make a change, a man who felt unending _love _for _everything _in existance. _He _never knew the way others saw Him. All He knew was that he needed to love and protect _anything and everything. _He was a man filled with regret and anger and loss and depression. He was a man who saw too many things, but still kept marching on, a warrior, a protector.

He was Jack's _savior_. He gave the conman new life, a new _purpose. _He brought Jack in and taught him how to _care _again, how to _love. _

Because that...that was who the Doctor, who _Jack's _Doctor, was.

Love.

He was angry and alone and helpless. He was selfish and filled with loss, a man who had nothing but his screwdriver and ship and the clothes on his back. He had no home, no family, nothing but his ship. He was endlessly searching and trying _desprately _to make up for the children he lost by just saving _one more person, __one more life, one more smile..._

He was everything Jack wasn't.

Jack was a conman. He was alone, too, but he chose to be. He used others. He didn't care. He just wanted _one more day, one more meal, one more job..._but it was never enough. It never would be enough. He would always be like that. Endlessly searching for another day to be alive.

But then he found a man _worth fighting for. _

And he was drawn to the Doctor. Drawn to those piercing blue eyes, to the loneliest man in the universe. To the man who was filled with so much love, but also so much hatred. Hatred for himself.

He wasn't handsome, not like His new face. He wasn't charming, He wasn't funny, not often, anyway.

He was just...just...

He was just a man.

A man who just needed somebody. Somebody to love.

And He found that, of course. He fell in love with a little Rose on the roadside, and took her away.

But Jack...Jack was in love too.

With _his _Doctor.

Rose was in love with all of him. All of his personalities. All of his soul.

But Jack...he couldn't be.

Perhaps he loved the Doctor less than her. Perhaps...perhaps he was just not worthy of Him.

Maybe that was the case.

Whatever it was...Jack...he would wait.

He would just wait...until he could see _Him _again...if he ever would.

Because the Doctor..._his _Doctor...was worth fighting for.

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A/N

Will this get me hate?

Inevitably.

Oh well...I hope maybe _someone _will like it.


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